No Coffee Allowed
My favorite sister’s name is Gwen. Before you go and get all huffy about me picking favorites, please note she’s also my only sister. (It’s a joke we have.) We’re twins. We certainly don’t look identical and we were born in different years, but we’re twins. We say the exact same things at the exact same time, we know exactly what the other is thinking (most of the time), and our own parents can’t tell our voices apart when they’re speaking to one of us on the phone.
Gwen hates coffee. (This is a phenomenon that does occur in a very small percentage of the world’s population. It is also a revelation that rather bewilders coffee lovers. “How could anyone not like coffee?”) I, on the other hand, can take or leave coffee. After reading the laughter-inducing “It is inhumane, in my opinion, to force people who have a genuine medical need for coffee to wait in line behind people who apparently view it as some kind of recreational activity,” (quote by Dave Barry) it has come to my attention that my coffee drinking habits are, well…recreational. I’m not quite sure I would go so far as to say they’re inhumane.
(See what she’s missing out on?)
This aversion to coffee does not just apply to the liquid form. There are also issues with the smell (which further astounds the coffee lovers) and extends to coffee being added to absolutely anything. This, of course, brings me to chocolate with coffee in it. I can remember at least two occasions when I very innocently ended up feeding her coffee by way of chocolate.
#1: Me: “Here. Have some of this. Her, dubiously looking at the cocoa-colored iced drink: “Does have it coffee in it?” Me (in all honesty): “I don’t think so.” Her (after a small sip): “IT DOES TOO!” (Her coffee detection skills are honed, let me tell you.)
#2: I had some assorted wrapped chocolates that weren’t labeled, and generously gave Gwen one of the prettiest rose-shaped ones. She popped it into her mouth and started chewing. You should have SEEN her face. There were also some sound effects and a brief discussion about spitting it out. Mainly, it was all about how I’d tricked her. Uh, no. I had no idea it had coffee in it. Besides, I know better.
This obviously means she’s missed out on some pretty great chocolate. Every time I have a new chocolate with coffee in it, I double-check just to make sure her taste buds haven’t changed overnight. Chocolove Coffee Crunch? She passed. Pascha Dark Chocolate with Arabica Coffee? She just raised her eyebrows at me.
It’s come to the point that when I give her any chocolates to try that are already unwrapped (ie. she can’t verify the ingredients with her own eyes), she double-checks with me to make sure none of it has coffee. (I’m surprised she hasn’t lined up a taste-tester to take a bite out of everything, just to make sure.) Once she is assured there is really, absolutely, entirely NO chance of there being any coffee chocolate on her plate, I leave her alone so she can eat her selection of coffee-free pieces of chocolate in peace. That, and probably work a sign to post on her door:
“No Coffee Allowed”