Ready for a few laughs? Looking for something to print on a T-shirt? A lot has been said about chocolate, as the following selection of chocolate quotes will prove.

These quotes are in random order and the author of the quote is listed whenever possible.

There are four basic food groups: milk chocolate, dark chocolate, white chocolate, and chocolate truffles.

If chocolate is the answer….the question is irrelevant.

Save the Earth! (It’s the only planet with chocolate.)

Sisters and chocolate make life bearable.

Life is like a box of chocolates… you never know what you’re gonna get. -Forrest Gump

Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It’ll take the edge off your appetite, and you’ll eat less.

Nuts just take up space where chocolate ought to be.

If you can’t eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer. But if you can’t eat all your chocolate, what’s wrong with you?

Put “eat chocolate” at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you’ll get one thing done.

The 12-step chocoholics program: NEVER BE MORE THAN 12 STEPS AWAY FROM CHOCOLATE! -Terry Moore

The best things in life are chocolate.

I’d give up chocolate, but I’m no quitter.

Put the chocolate in the bag and nobody gets hurt!

Milk chocolate is a dairy product.

Coffee makes it possible to get out of bed, but chocolate makes it worthwhile.

If at first you don’t succeed, have a chocolate.

For some, there’s therapy. For the rest of us there’s chocolate.

Eat a square meal a day – a box of chocolate.

There are only three things in life that matter – good friends, good chocolate and, oh dear, what was that other one?

Never eat more chocolate than you can lift.

When life gives you lemons, throw them back and demand chocolate.

A balanced diet is a chocolate in each hand!

Any sane person loves chocolate. -Bob Greene

Chocolate doesn’t make the world go ’round, but it sure does make the trip worthwhile!

Caramels are only a fad. Chocolate is a permanent thing. -Milton Snavely Hershey

In the cookies of life, friends are the chocolate chips.

Who cares about falling in love. I’d rather fall in chocolate. -Tori Mason

A little too much chocolate is just about right.

There is no chocolate anonymous because no one wants to quit.

Chocolate never asks silly questions. Chocolate understands.

Man cannot live on chocolate alone, but woman sure can.

After a bar of chocolate one can forgive anybody, even one’s relatives.

Life is like a box of chocolates – full of nuts!

Other things are just food. But chocolate’s chocolate. -Patrick Skene Catling

All I really need is love, but a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt! -Lucy Van Pelt, Peanuts

The bank of friendship cannot exist for long without deposits of chocolate.

Once you consume chocolate, chocolate will consume you.

Chocolate remedies adversity. -Jareb Teague

Empty calories: A hollow chocolate bunny?

Chocolate makes everyone smile – even bankers! -Ben Strohecker, chocolatier

Anything tastes better dipped in chocolate.

Chocolate – The breakfast of champions!

What is the meaning of life? All evidence to date suggests it’s chocolate.

If you’ve got melted chocolate all over your hands, you’re eating it too slowly.

Intergalactic Peace Through Chocolate!

There’s a thin person inside of me screaming to get out, but I keep her sedated with chocolate.

So much chocolate, so little time!

Will work for chocolate.

I’ll eat anything! As long as it’s chocolate.

Chocolate is not a matter of life and death – it’s more important than that!

There are times when chocolate really can fix all your problems.

Nine out of ten people like chocolate. The tenth person always lies. -John Q. Tullius

You are never alone with a bar of chocolate.

Never ever get between a girl and her chocolate!

Eating chocolate makes my clothes shrink.

Money talks. Chocolate sings!

Chocolate-coated truth tastes better. -Amy Shawnee

An exhale moment deserves delicious chocolate.

Simply put… everyone has a price, mine is chocolate!

I’ve learned to use meditation and relaxation to handle stress. Just kidding. Chocolate!

Chocolate flows in deep dark sweet waves; a river to ignite my mind and alert my senses.

The only certainty in life is smooth chocolate. -Inside a Dove Chocolate foil

Dip it in chocolate; it’ll be fine.

Chocolate is always there for you when you don’t have anyone’s shoulder to cry on.

Flowers wilt, jewelry tarnishes, and candles burn out … but chocolate doesn’t hang around long enough to get old.

A chocolate in the mouth is worth two on the plate.

Women have many moods, chocolate satisfies them all.

Once you consume chocolate, chocolate will consume you.

Among life’s mysteries is how a two pound box of chocolate can make a woman gain five pounds.

Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy chocolate, which is pretty much the same thing!

If I must die, let it be death by chocolate.

Don’t ask any questions, just give me some chocolate!

Hot fudge fills deep needs. -Susan Isaacs

A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Now, isn’t that handy?

There are times when chocolate really can fix all your problems.

Flowers and champagne may set the stage, but it’s chocolate that steals the show.

Chocolate is ground from the beans of happiness. -Terri Guillemets

A balanced diet consists of items from the five major food groups: dairy, grains, meats, fruits/vegetables, and chocolate.

Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first. -Ernestine Ulmer

Nothing chocolate…. Nothing gained.

I’m not overweight, just chocolate enriched.

I’m a Chocoholics Anonymous dropout.

Seven days without chocolate makes one weak.

When plan A fails move to plan B; eat chocolate. -Jean Kelsey

Page one is a diet, page two is a chocolate cake. It’s a no-win situation. -Kim Williams

Life without chocolate is like a beach without water.

Life’s a box of chocolates…Eat ’em all!

Anything is good if it’s made of chocolate. -Jo Brand

Your friendship is better than chocolate! Well, anyway, it’s right up there. -Julie Sutton

I don’t drown my sorrows; I suffocate them with chocolate.

Mousse: How pudding describes itself on its résumé! -Last Week Tonight with John Oliver

Chocolate is medicinal. I just did another study that confirms it. -Michelle M. Pillow

Chocolate is the only aromatherapy I need. -Jasmine Heiler

When no one understands you, chocolate is there.

Chocolate remedies adversity. -Jareb Teague

Chocolate says “I’m sorry” so much better than words. -Rachel Vincent

If I die eating chocolate, I’ll die happy. -Cailey Sims

Chocolate is both an industry and a sensation. -Herman A. Berliner

There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate. -Linda Grayson

What use are cartridges in battle? I always carry chocolate instead. -George Bernard Shaw

What you see before you, my friend, is the result of a lifetime of chocolate. -Katharine Hepburn

Sometimes, eating a thick slice of chocolate fudge cake with ice cream makes you a better person. -Dr. SunWolf

Fudge is a noun, a verb, an interjection, and delicious! -Terri Guillemets

Once in a while I say, ‘Go for it’ and I eat chocolate. -Claudia Schiffer

Venice is like eating an entire box of chocolate liqueurs in one go. -Truman Capote

When in doubt…eat chocolate. -Jean Kelsey

Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want!

Fruit only angers my need for chocolate. -Jason Love

Your face makes my soul want to eat chocolate pudding! -Andy Milonakis

Don’t wreck a sublime chocolate experience by feeling guilty. -Lora Brody

Biochemically, love is just like eating large amounts of chocolate. -John Milton

Las cosas claras y el chocolate espeso. (Ideas should be clear and chocolate thick.) -Spanish proverb

A day without chocolate is a day without sunshine.

And above all… Think chocolate! -Betty Crocker

When we don’t have the words, chocolate can speak volumes. -Joan Bauer

A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. -Marcia Carrington

Nobody knows the truffles I’ve seen. -George Lang

Chocolate is cheaper than therapy and you don’t need an appointment. -Catherine Aitken

You can give without loving, but you can’t love without giving, and the gift of chocolate is the most loving of all.

Chemically speaking, chocolate really is the world’s perfect food. -Michael Levine

Exercise is a dirty word… Every time I hear it, I wash my mouth out with chocolate.

There are two kinds of people in the world: those who love chocolate, and communists. -Leslie Moak Murray

Nothing is more romantic than chocolate. -Ted Allen

Stressed spelled backwards is desserts. Coincidence? I think not!

Chocolate is an antidepressant, which is especially useful as you start to gain weight. -Jason Love

Stress wouldn’t be so hard to take if it were chocolate covered.

Happiness. Simple as a glass of chocolate or tortuous as the heart. Bitter. Sweet. Alive. –Joanne Harris, Chocolat

Chocolate: Here today… Gone today!

Seduced by the chocolate side of the Force.

Given enough chocolate and coffee, I could rule the world.

Here, have some chocolate. Feel better now?

I only eat chocolate for you, so there will be more of me to love.

Some like it hot, some like it cold; I like it chocolate!

Chocolate isn’t a food, it’s a medicine – an anti-depressant.

There’s more to life than chocolate, but not right now.

When the going gets tough, the tough eats chocolate.

The greatest tragedies were written by the Greeks and Shakespeare…neither knew chocolate. -Sandra Boynton

Moderation, honey, in all things but love and chocolate. That’s my motto. -Barbara Bretton

If it’s not chocolate, it’s not breakfast. -Laini Taylor

Life without books, chocolate & coffee is just useless. -Nadun Lokuliyanage

Love is like a hollowed out piece of chocolate, filled with melted music. -Jarod Kintz

If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that a balanced diet? Don’t they actually counteract each other?

Research tells us fourteen out of any ten individuals likes chocolate. -Sandra Boynton

I have this theory that chocolate slows down the aging process…. It may not be true, but do I dare take the chance?

I never met a chocolate I didn’t like. -Deanna Troi in Star Trek: The Next Generation

There’s no point in wasting calories on cheap chocolate, always opt for the darkest and richest. -Nanci Rathbun

Chocolate is something you take for granted until you don’t have any. -Marja McGraw

Look, there’s no metaphysics on earth like chocolates. –Fernando Pessoa (attributed), attributed, A Taste of Heaven

The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in a hot car. The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.

Chocolate is like medicine – but as with medicine, the key is the proper dose. Don’t overdo it. -Edward (Grandpa) Jones

If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control top pantyhose. An entire garment industry would be devastated.

Love is like swallowing hot chocolate before it has cooled off. It takes you by surprise at first, but keeps you warm for a long time.

When you select the right kind of chocolate, it is like giving your insides a hug. Everyone needs a chocolate hug. -Jean Kelsey

Carob is a brown powder made from the pulverized fruit of a Mediterranean evergreen. Some consider carob an adequate substitute for chocolate because it has some similar nutrients (calcium, phosphorus), and because it can, when combined with vegetable fat and sugar, be made to approximate the color and consistency of chocolate. Of course, the same arguments can as persuasively be made in favor of dirt. -Sandra Boynton

Chocolate is the first luxury. It has so many things wrapped up in it: Deliciousness in the moment, childhood memories, and that grin-inducing feeling of getting a reward for being good. -Mariska Hargitay

Your hand and your mouth agreed many years ago that, as far as chocolate is concerned, there is no need to involve your brain. -Dave Barry

As with most fine things, chocolate has its season. There is a simple memory aid that you can use to determine whether it is the correct time to order chocolate dishes: any month whose name contains the letter A, E, or U is the proper time for chocolate. -Sandra Boynton

I don’t understand why so many “so called” chocolate lovers complain about the calories in chocolate, when all true chocoholics know that it is a vegetable. It comes from the cocoa bean, beans are veggies, ’nuff said.

Seen recently on a tee shirt: EMERGENCY ALERT: If wearer of this shirt is found vacant, listless, or depressed, ADMINISTER CHOCOLATE IMMEDIATELY.

Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands – and then eat just one of the pieces. -Judith Viorst

A Kiss is a terrible name for a piece of chocolate shaped like a water droplet, because kisses are hot and would melt chocolate—even if it is wearing an astronaut suit made out of tinfoil. -Jarod Kintz

Your stress-free life helps you maintain a youthful disposition, both physically and mentally. So, eat lots of chocolate! -Elaine Sherman

Always serve too much hot fudge sauce on hot fudge sundaes. It makes people overjoyed, and puts them in your debt. -Judith Olney

May your life be filled, as mine has been, with love and laughter; and remember, when things are rough all you need is … Chocolate. -Geraldine Solon

I’m pretty sure that eating chocolate keeps wrinkles away because I have never seen a 10 year old with a Hershey bar and crows feet. -Amy Neftzger

Remember the days when you let your child have some chocolate if he finished his cereal? Now, chocolate is one of the cereals. -Robert Orben

“When I die,” I said to my friend, “I’m not going to be embalmed. I’m going to be dipped.” Milk chocolate or bittersweet was the immediate concern.” -Adrienne Marcus

Cacao has great nutritional value, a lot of protein, which strengthens a person, and without sugar it is not fattening. -Samael Aun Weor

The best place to hide gold coins is in a treasure chest filled with those circular chocolates that are coin-sized and wrapped in gold foil. That’ll foil any thief. -Jarod Kintz

Coffee and chocolate are certainly wonderful, but they must forever carry tea’s silken train, ever the bridesmaids and never the bride. -Paul F. Kortepeter

The greatest Emotion is Love.
The greatest quality is seeking to serve others.
The greatest gift is your own Life.
The greatest pleasure is CHOCOLATE!
The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is that there’s always something new to learn.
The greatest virtue is temperance.
The greatest meditation is a peaceful mind.
The greatest practice is to be Kind.
The greatest challenge is to let go. The greatest wisdom is to be in the NOW. -Pablo

Sometime all you need is love … Oh wait! And ice cream, and chocolate to go along with it, as nowadays love is anything but sweet. -Megha Khare

If some confectioners were willing
To let the shape announce the filling,
We’d encounter fewer assorted chocs,
Bitten into and returned to the box. -Ogden Nash

A world where chocolate is entirely rare — or entirely mediocre — is a dystopia the likes of which we can scarcely conceive. -Elizabeth Winkler

A dark-chocolate truffle melts in my mouth, and I forget about everything else … even the fact that I’m on a diet. -Barbara Brooke

“Hey, Mrs. Jakes, how come people can’t afford new shoes or food, but they can still buy candy?” She smiled and waved him off. “Oh, people will always find a way to buy chocolate, Elliot. Chocolate is forever.” -Jack C. Monroe, A Hole in Time: An Elliot James Adventure

Are bacon and chocolate the foundation of a good meal? No, everybody knows that is a deep fryer and/or gravy. However, I have long held the notion that you can’t name a food that I can’t improve by adding either bacon or chocolate. -Aaron Blaylock, It’s Called Helping…You’re Welcome

You know, they’ve got these chocolate assortments, and you like some but you don’t like others? And you eat all the ones you like, and the only ones left are the ones you don’t like as much? I always think about that when something painful comes up. Now I just have to polish these off, and everything’ll be OK. Life is a box of chocolates. I suppose you could call it a philosophy. -Haruki Murakami, Norwegian Wood

Chocolate causes certain endocrine glands to secrete hormones that affect your feelings and behavior by making you happy. Therefore, it counteracts depression, in turn reducing the stress of depression. Your stress-free life helps you maintain a youthful disposition, both physically and mentally. So, eat lots of chocolate! – Elaine Sherman, Book of Divine Indulgences

My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have finished 2 bags of M&M’s and a chocolate cake. I feel better already. -Dave Barry

The divine drink which builds up resistance and fights fatigue. A cup of this precious drink permits a man to walk for a whole day without food. -Hernan Cortés, 1519

The superiority of chocolate, both for health and nourishment, will soon give it the same preference over tea and coffee in America which it has in Spain. -Thomas Jefferson

All of the evil that people have thrust upon chocolate is really more deserved by milk chocolate, which is essentially contaminated. The closer you get to a pure chocolate liquor (the chocolate essence ground from roasted cacao beans) the purer it is, the more satisfying it is, the safer it is, and the healthier it is. -Arnold Ismach, The Darker Side of Chocolate

Chocolate is a vegetable: chocolate is derived from cocoa beans. Bean = vegetable. Sugar is derived from either sugar cane or sugar beets. Both are plants, which places them in the vegetable category. Thus, chocolate is a vegetable. To go one step further, chocolate candy bars also contain milk, which is dairy. So candy bars are a health food.

Chocolate contains large amounts of the same beneficial plant chemicals that now have burnished the reputation of tea. In fact, just one ounce of chocolate has about as much of these plant chemicals as a cup of brewed black tea. One large, ongoing study of the benefits of exercise found that men who eat chocolate in moderation live longer than those who eat none. -University of California-Berkeley Wellness Letter

We already know that increased consumption of fruits and vegetables results in an increase of antioxidants in our blood. We believe chocolate consumption may have the same effect. We forget that chocolate is derived from cocoa beans, the fruit of the cacao tree, a fruit that is a rich source of these potentially beneficial substances. -Penny Kris-Etherton, Ph.D., Pennsylvania State University

After about 20 years of marriage, I’m finally starting to scratch the surface of that one [what women want]. And I think the answer lies somewhere between conversation and chocolate. -Mel Gibson

Chocolate is the greatest gift to women ever created, next to the likes of Paul Newman and Gene Kelly. It’s something that should be had on a daily basis. -Sandra Bullock

Never mind about 1066 William the Conqueror, 1087 William the Second. Such things are not going to affect one’s life…but 1932 the Mars Bar and 1936 Maltesers and 1937 the Kit Kat – these dates are milestones in history and should be seared into the memory of every child in the country. -Roald Dahl

More than any other food, chocolate delights and enchants … chocolate tantalizes and it comforts. Chocolate has soothed fretful children and welcomed tired travelers; mountain climbers have saved their last piece of chocolate to celebrate reaching new heights; suitors have given chocolate to show the depth of their devotion. Chocolate has been used as a stimulant, an aphrodisiac, and [even] a form of currency. –Neva Beach, The Ghirardelli Chocolate Cookbook

Chocolate making is an art as well as a science, and chocolate makers keep secret the roasting temperatures used, the time given to “conching”, and the exact proportions of their formulations, which is why no two manufacturers’ chocolates taste the same. –Lori Longbotham, Luscious Chocolate Desserts

Chocolate knows no boundaries; speaks all languages; comes in all sizes; is woven through many cultures and disciplines … it impacts mood, health, and economics, and it is a part of our lives from early childhood through the elderly years. –Herman A. Berliner

The tantalizing aroma of chocolate involves more than three hundred chemical compounds and the flavor can have more than five hundred components. –Lori Longbotham, Luscious Chocolate Desserts

Like love, chocolate is always a delight to receive or to give. -Mary Jane Finsand, The Diabetic Chocolate Cookbook

Reminiscent of childhood memories, luxury, sweetness and sensuality, chocolate is more than just a food — it is therapy. -Christelle Le Ru, Passion Chocolat

Chocolate is the most fun material in the food business. It gets soft quickly, you play with it, and in a few minutes it’s hard as a rock. -Joseph Schmidt (attributed) The Chocolate Companion

What is it that makes chocolate universally popular? Clearly it satisfies a natural craving for sweets, but so do many other foods. Or it may be that there are so many kinds of chocolate available to suit everyone’s taste. What started out as a bitter drink enjoyed by the natives of the new world in the early 16th century has evolved to become a complex offering of dark, light, liquid, solid, bitter, sweet and semisweet chocolate. -Jean Pare, Chocolate Everything

Similarly to tasting wine, tasting chocolate is an art that requires using all senses. -Christelle Le Ru, Passion Chocolat

I never do any television without chocolate. That’s my motto and I live by it. Quite often I write the scripts and I make sure there are chocolate scenes. Actually I’m a bit of a chocolate tart and will eat anything. It’s amazing I’m so slim. -Dawn French

Chocolate is a divine, celestial drink, the sweat of the stars, the vital seed, divine nectar, the drink of the gods, panacea and universal medicine. -Geronimo Piperni, quoted by Antonio Lavedán, Spanish army surgeon, 1796.

‘Chocolate — The Consuming Passion’ was written for the Chocolate Elite — the select millions who like chocolate in all its infinite variety, using ‘like’ as in ‘I like to breathe’. -Sandra Boynton

It has been shown as proof positive that carefully prepared chocolate is as healthful a food as it is pleasant; that it is nourishing and easily digested… that it is above all helpful to people who must do a great deal of mental work. -Anthelme Brillat-Savarin

Giving chocolate to others is an intimate form of communication, a sharing of deep, dark secrets. -Milton Zelma

My greatest strength is common sense. I’m really a standard brand – like Campbell’s tomato soup or Baker’s chocolate. -Katharine Hepburn

Chocolate causes certain endocrine glands to secrete hormones that affect your feelings and behavior by making you happy. Therefore, it counteracts depression, in turn reducing the stress of depression. Your stress-free life helps you maintain a youthful disposition, both physically and mentally. So, eat lots of chocolate! – Elaine Sherman

Chocolate is a perfect food, as wholesome as it is delicious, a beneficent restorer of exhausted power…it is the best friend of those engaged in literary pursuits. -Baron Justus von Liebig, German chemist (1803-1873)

Happiness is life served up with a scoop of acceptance, a topping of tolerance and sprinkles of hope, although chocolate sprinkles also work. -Robert Brault

At no other time has Nature concentrated such a wealth of valuable nourishment into such a small space as in the cocoa bean. -Alexander von Humboldt

If you are not feeling well, if you have not slept, chocolate will revive you. But you have no chocolate! I think of that again and again! My dear, how will you ever manage? -Marquise de Sévigné (French writer and lady of fashion) February 11, 1677

Carefully prepared chocolate is as healthful a food as it is pleasant; that it is nourishing and easily digested; that it does not cause the same harmful effects to feminine beauty which are blamed on coffee, but is on the contrary a remedy for them. -Jean-Antheleme Brillat-Savarin (1755-1826) ‘The Physiology of Taste’ (1825)

When you have breakfasted well and fully, if you will drink a big cup of chocolate at the end you will have digested the whole perfectly three hours later, and you will still be able to dine. Because of my scientific enthusiasm and the sheer force of my eloquence I have persuaded a number of ladies to try this, although they were convinced it would kill them; they have always found themselves in fine shape indeed, and have not forgotten to give the Professor his rightful due. -Jean-Antheleme Brillat-Savarin (1755-1826) ‘The Physiology of Taste’ (1825)

If any man has drunk a little too deeply from the cup of physical pleasure; if he has spent too much time at his desk that should have been spent asleep; if his fine spirits have become temporarily dulled; if he finds the air too damp, the minutes too slow, and the atmosphere too heavy to withstand; if he is obsessed by a fixed idea which bars him from any freedom of thought: if he is any of these poor creatures, we say, let him be given a good pint of amber-flavored chocolate….and marvels will be performed. -Jean-Anthelme Brillat-Savarin (1755-1826)

You know, I live a monastic lifestyle. No, I do. I do live in extremes, basically. I go back and forth. Once every six months, I’ll have a day where I eat more chocolate than has ever been consumed by a human being. -Jim Carrey

Switzerland: Since both its national products, snow and chocolate, melt, the cuckoo clock was invented solely in order to give tourists something solid to remember it by. -Alan Coren